If you pass me in one of the hallways at MATC, or on the street, you’re probably doing the same thing I’m doing– listening to music through those permanently attached iPod earbuds, thinking about what you need to get done next, and trying not to collide with anyone else.

You may not see the smile I wear when I have calc 3 homework to do. Or the sense of reserved awe that results from taking calc based physics; that Newton guy invented calculus to invent physics, and here I am looking at the world through the same lens. (They even talk about Newton on Nova sometimes!) Those of you who have good memories will remember that I failed calc 1, twice.

You may not see me pausing and looking at the sign outside the UW Computer Sciences building before I go inside to work. It’s only a sign, right?

You never see me sitting in the empty seats at Kohl Center or Camp Randall just before doors open for a game, enjoying the peace and quiet while I’m putting my paperwork in order. Oh, and looking up at the championship banners. Especially the hockey banners.

Honestly, if you pass me on the street, in the hallway on the way to class, you probably are not concerned in the least. A person wearing iPod earbuds and carrying a backpack in Madison isn’t at all unusual. Working at UW isn’t at all unusual either. Lots of people do that.

So, sometimes, I wonder if I’m being too romantic– putting too much thought into being here, into living the student life. Worrying more about the journey, than the destination.

Is there romance in cutting your grocery bill, buying stuff only when it’s on sale, looking up and down the aisle for the best unit price? Looking for student discounts? Not stopping for that bottle of soda from the convenience store on the way to work? Stocking up on loose leaf paper during back to school sales? Being able to buy lunch for $2.00 at BK?

Is there romance in sitting at home late at night doing math?

Is there romance in walking through an empty (except for other workers) football stadium, or sports arena late at night, when the fans are all gone?

Is there romance in being a veteran of a war that happened nearly twenty years ago? Keeping that experience with you, every day?

Mail Call!

I received an envelope from the VA hospital recently; it contained a questionnaire that they send out three months after a person has completed a PTSD treatment program. The answers you give now are compared to the answers you gave in the past, so they can see how effective the treatment is over time.

You answer these questions, and you evaluate on your own how you feel because you have to think about how you feel to answer them.

So, I’ve answered the questions, and I can say that, be it romantic or not, I wake up in the morning and look forward to the day ahead. I like being in the quiet study area of the library all morning, knocking out physics problems. I like being tired after working at a Badger football game, and studying math during a Badger hockey game.

Romance? Glory? Fame? Probably not. But I’m happy with my math homework and my big, cheap bag of generic cheerios.

All right, not technically– the leaves are not changing colors, baseball is still in season, and football is not in season, at least not quite yet. My summer, however, is over because classes start on Monday morning. This semester will be different. I have left my full time job, and changed my occupation to full time student. I still plan to work at Badger home football, basketball and hockey games. I am starting a part time IT help desk position at UW. So while I will be busy, I will be able to focus most of my energy on school, where it belongs and will do the most good.

I ended up with two days this week without work, partly to give me time to get books and such ready for classes, and partly to give me some time to make the shift from a full time day job to student life. Don’t get me wrong– I do not intend, at all, to pretend that I am 20 again– but having one’s primary focus be academics is a different frame of mind than meeting data entry production goals every day. In between shopping for books, highlighters, graph paper, and those four-color Bic pens (that are damn near impossible to find), I have made it a point to relax a little. Page through the calculus book, and notes from the past two semesters. Bookmark textbook websites. Play some Quake II. And above all, make sure the batteries in my calculator are fresh. (Calc III and Calc based physics this semester = I’ll be attached to my TI-89.)

The path to get here has been a long one. I have had a lot to overcome, have had to learn different ways to do things, and always seem to have more adjustments to make. I’m good with that.

Monday morning is going to be interesting. I have never had the full daytime MATC Truax experience, since I have had all night and online classes thus far. I might feel a little old. I might feel a little stressed, anxious, or hurried. Probably all of the above.

I will also be the person sitting up in the front of the class, notebook open, reading glasses on (reference feeling old in last paragraph), pen and highlighter in hand, ready to rock and roll.

So yes, my summer is over.

Bring on the math. Bring on the phone calls. Bring on the football, basketball, and especially the hockey.

Yeah, just bring it.

So I’m not quite used to summer, but I’m adapting.

I spent a good portion of this past weekend shopping for camping supplies, and picked up a tent that was on sale at REI (among other things– tarpage, tent stakes, etc.) So I’ll be
doing some camping in the near future. I looked at kayaks, too, and have resigned myself to waiting until next year to buy one. This year’s major purchase was the Trek 820, which I needed before I need a boat. My bike rides to and from work are a lot more fun now. I’ve already been on one 20 mile ride with the ‘820– planning to get it onto a trail and get it dirty soon, too.

This summer isn’t all vacation time though. I still have things to get accomplished. I’m taking an online non-credit Java programming course, and an A+ certification exam course this summer. (It’s surprising how much I remember from my object oriented programming, and programming languages classes that I took, oh, a few years ago. Maybe I didn’t kill all those brain cells after all.) Sometime in August, I’ll pull out the calculus book again and put myself through a self-imposed refresher course before the semester starts.

And, I only have one semester left at MATC. So I’m working on applying for that other school (whose initials are UW). Just filling out the application is a big step, which is the result of having taken a lot of very small steps. There’s some anxiety here. I have an academic past to answer for– which I’m working on doing, but there’s a lot riding on how well I explain how different I am from the kid who dropped out of LSU-Shreveport a few years ago.

In any case, I’m going to be a full time student at MATC Truax in fall. Most of my classes have been at the downtown campus, and the one I have had at Truax was at night– so I’m going to be, shall we say, immersed. There is a big difference between being a working adult taking classes and being a full time adult student who also works. (At least, it seems that way as I’m writing this.) It’s not really that “I’m gonna die” scary, but it will feel different for a while. And then, by the end of the first day of classes this fall, I’ll have enough homework to do that it won’t matter. Hopefully.

It’s been an, um, busy semester. In addition to my eight hours of classes (so, yeah, half-time+) at MATC I worked at just about all of the UW men’s hoops games, all of the Badger men’s hockey games, the WIAA state wrestling tournament and state boy’s basketball tournament. Oh yeah– I had a regular 40 hour a week job, too.

And oh yeah again– I also completed a 12-week post traumatic stress disorder treatment program at the Madison VA hospital. In the middle of the semester.

This semester my long days had two basic variations:

• Work job 1 0610-1545, study ’till 1900, then class till 2130, then to the gym till 2230 and sometimes foraging for groceries after that
• Work job 1 0610-1545, study ’till hoops/hockey, work 1630-2230 (and study during hoops/hockey)

Most days during the week at around the time I hit twelve hours I was either soon headed to class or making sure my meat was cooked because the Kohl Center’s doors were just opening for the game. A “long day” was about sixteen hours, and a good night’s sleep was about 4-5 hours.

And one final oh yeah– I got BC’s in both classes. They’re not A’s– but considering the circumstances this semester, I’m quite happy with ‘em.

I don’t want to make it sound uglier than it was– however, I’ve left because I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of being a member.